The Real Reason

I'm alone... not only by choice, but by circumstance. I was going with, what I thought of as my second (maybe third) soul mate. for over 6 years...

We did everything together as our working schedules allowed. Family visits...trips, (including a 4 day Jamaica holiday I won from a radio station) weddings (on my side anyway)

But alas... her daughter was to be married and lo and behold, I was not invited with a lame excuse of her not wanting to subject me to her ex. (she's divorced for many years)

This hurt... a lot... but then I got sick with 2 bouts of diverticulitis... an intestinal problem. My first stay was only (ha only) 6 days in hospital. My second was 11 days... she visited my once during the 6 day stay and twice during the 11 day stay.

I am not the type of person that likes friction, conflict, fighting and rage... I find it hard to find the right words to explain my feelings in many instances and so I found it difficult to tell her just how hurt I was... It got to the point where I stopped calling her as often, we did not do out as often and eventually both of us stopped calling one and other altogether.

Fault... probably mine... for not having the balls to sit down and talk it out. Probably because the harm had been done and could not be undone. I miss her... and the good times we had together. But I believe I am better off to be without someone who was either ashamed of me for some reason (therefore no invite to the wedding) or there is some other embedded reason I am not aware of at this point.

So here I'll stay... alone... missing her... but without. So let it be written....